Hello! If you didnt know, my name is Paigee! I also get called Pai frequently, take your pick. I’m eighteen and live in Brisbane, Australia. I’m British and moved from Birmingham, UK in 2007. I work at my local DVD store, work in childcare, and study Entertainment Business which is majoring in Music. I have a five year old sister and a mini-poodle called Chi. The reason this blog exists is a very simple one - Music.
My Chemical Romance come first, and Owl City comes second. Always.
There is very few of us that understand the influence in music. It exists, and it’s so strong. Last year I finally had the guts to persure a career in music, and I am so happy with my decision. It’s one of those things that if I didn’t try I would never know. When I was interviewed there was one question that the woman asked which stood out, and it was two words. “Why music?”
A month earlier I saw Owl City in concert, and if you have seen one of your favorite bands or people. You know that feeling, you know how happy you are. This is what brings me to this quote, which will forever be my favorite from this person who is the most influential and inspiring person in my life. You probably havent heard of him, his name is Gerard Way.
“Anyone who understands standing in a crowd of sweaty people, elbow to elbow, screaming along to the words embedded in your heart, can give you the most happiness ever needed. When you’re shoved against a sea of bodies and you don’t know what swear actually belongs to you or your neighbour, you can barely breathe and in that moment, your favorite song starts playing and you forget about everything: all you’re concerned with is the melody, rhythm, and the beat of the song. All you care about is singing your heart out and knowing its okay you love something maybe a little too much, a long as its real to you”
That was my answer.
As you know, i’m also very passionate about My Chemical Romance. I get emotional, I cry often and I cant explain it. I’m very bad at it haha. They’ve taught me so much. They were the start.
So really i’ve never fully explained why MCR and why I came by them, so here it is.
I came by MCR when I was 12, I found about them at school by all the seniors I used to hang around with. In IT class we would be on imnotokay.net (Which is still a brilliant website today.)
They were all really into The Black Parade, and then eventually I was too. Everyone would go around school in their Black Parade hoodies, it was the “cool” thing at the time. I never got one, I had to settle for a Panic At The Disco one haha.
Then for my 13th birthday my mum brought me the Black Parade and I still have that copy today, its really broken and for some reason it has purple ink all over it.. but i still have it haha!
From that album I just generally found out more and more about the band & fangirled, it is pretty embarrassing now. I also remember my Grandma buying me the Black Parade poster from the Virgin store, my room was baby pink back then too haha.
All my family found out about me and my new found love for this band called MCR haha. I still have emails off my Grandma cards going (we couldn’t get you Gerard Way, so heres this card instead) I was such a fangirl back then, the ones you choose to hate. I wouldn’t be able to stand myself now LOL.
So a couple months go by and eventually they decided to tour my hometown with The Black Parade (Youknow the whole thing, Gerard in the gown etc) Everyone went off at my school haha and both of my Uncles and Aunts brought tickets too which was crazy haha. I was so excited, I was probably going on about how I was going to confess my love..
Then eventually closer days came up and by the time the concert came up, my parents told me I would be in Australia since my dad got a job here. I remember bawling my eyes out for days in my room hugging my cat, I was pretty broken. So yeah, then I moved to Australia.
I remember listening to the album on the plane on an oldschool nano haha. Little things like that have stuck in my mind, I would spend my afternoons on Channel V requesting for them to play “Im Not Okay”
Weeks went past of being in Australia and thats when I started to feel very alone, well, I was very alone for about a year or so. I eventually got told that I had depression at fourteen. I remember thinking that had nobody at all, and truth was I didn’t.
I was also getting bullied at the time, and that didnt really help. Most of my friends were online, and I wasnt even able to talk to them due to no proper internet, didn’t have a mobile phone… timezones.. Its really something I still fear today, and something I have to deal with still on a daily basis.
All I really had was The Black Parade on repeat, and maybe now & then a magazine or two, I had that for a very long time. I refused any contact with anyone really, I didn’t want to be judged on who I was or where I was from. I was ashamed of myself.
One of the most influential lyrics for me at the time was “I am not afraid to walk this world alone.” For obvious reasons.
I would spend days crying wanting to go home, as I said before its something I never want to experience again, and I still have days where i’m incredibly homesick.
At that time I would just listen to MCR as a release, just for somebody to listen to and to understand me. I had alot of thoughts i’m not proud of back then. It was just a huge influence on my whole family & at the end of the day we got through it. I’m pretty proud of that. I still havent been back to the UK since I moved, so thats 5 years without my family, and yeah as I said it does get me down sometimes. Thankfully, I found friends who liked me for who I am and realized that I need to be proud of who I am. Of course, that was because of the band and in particular The Black Parade. I don’t know what could of happened if I didn’t have that album.
At the end of the day, im here for better & not for worse.
So around 2007 was when London did the petiton for the Daily Mail, and how they save lives & through that I learned the different aspect of the band. My passion and respect grew stronger and I had depended on this band for, well, everything for the first two years or so.
In the end I guess I can say without The Black Parade I dont know what would have happened, I would of had no release to my emotions or my thoughts. They were my only friend for along time and i’m forever thankful for that.
Around July in 2007 when I was still in middle of watching Channel V on the TV there was a banner going “MCR TOURING AUSTRALIA SOON” and I actually screamed and went online (I had dial up internet at the time) and I cried my eyes out.
I saw them the 28th of November 2007, and thats when my life was still at a standstill, I just found a little group of friends and that night they made me realize that I had to move on from being like this, and that I just needed to take my fears one step at a time. After that night, I went and got help. Told my parents, and thankfully I got through it all.
The rest is history, and that was the start of me and My Chemical Romance. Trust me that the story is far from over, and that i’m still here. This band have inspired me to do so many things, think of things in a different aspect, have gave me the will to do what I want and definitely and still do influence my life today. Most of all, they made me believe in so much. They have changed who I am when I was nothing, and I am so grateful for that. They are well, everything to me.
I also recently saw them again in January 2012, I went to three of their shows and also had the amazing honour of meeting them all. That is still also a touchy subject, and I still cant really describe it to its full potential. I did write a post, which is here but honestly that doesn’t even sum it up. Its something I think about every day and as I said, i’m still very emotional about it.
I made this blog for inspriation, respect, and most of all not to forget who I was, and who I am now. Of course Ive changed over the years and i’m not the fangirl I once was haha.
This is who I am, I don’t want to hide myself anymore and I hope you’ve got more of an insight to my life and my mind. Thank you!
